Some Common Divorce Prevention Tips
I’m going to write from what I have read, not experience. I highly recommend reading books written by those with a Ph.D., along with others.
When you’re in love with someone, your chance for a life-long relationship starts with you loving yourself. It starts with you learning to accept the real you, no matter what your going through. Sooner or later, if you’re really in love, the real you is going to show.
When you’re choosing to love yourself, this means you’re choosing to love who you married. You must have had a good reason to get married when you did. Meaning, you must have loved yourself for that choice you made. Also meaning, you must have loved your spouse. With the hopes, you are still in love, and you still love you. See where I’m getting at?
You learned about your spouse’s personality before the marriage; then after the marriage, you’re learning more about the character. (Personality-patterns of self-conscious human being, personal identity, the attraction) (Character-the traits that form the individual nature, moral qualities, principles, disposition) Maybe you even learned more about your own character than you expected, which opens up a whole new way of seeing things.
Opening up those locked up feelings, of disappointment, aggravation, pain, and the things you and I tend to push down inside, and hoping it will go away, when they never really do, isn’t as easy as putting on your shoes. The point is, bad feelings don’t go away, and neither do good feelings. Yet, when you push down bad feelings, it causes your spouse to feel negative feelings, and then he/she may not even know the real reasons why he/she has those negative feelings. It’s kind of like playing baseball. You just hit a foul ball, and your spouse, the outfielder, runs to retrieve the ball. Yet, you’re still trying to steal a base, when you should be helping your spouse keep the bases covered.
If you don’t deal with how you feel, how could your spouse? Once you take responsibility for you feelings, your spouse can take responsibility for his/hers. Then you both verbalize in words, or take it to a pen and paper, or draw images (like our primal instinct ancestors did). However you can get your feelings across, (without violence) then that is the first step to divorce prevention.
Do not ignore yourself and your feelings. If you do avoid your feelings, and try not to share, your relationship will never be anymore than the personality of who you are, as when you two first met. Inside your being, is twice as important as the surface. Marriage is like being on a seesaw. You need to have two people to make the motions. Choosing to love yourself, means you’re choosing to love who you married just the same, when you choose to love who you married you also love yourself.
It’s hard to get it right in terms of written advice because the best advice is really tailored to each particular person and needs. Try to understand what you each contribute to the fire; what makes you a better person; what might allow the relationship to flourish for the two of you.
As any first or final resort, you look to your faith, as individual persons, you both may very well meet on the same road, and find that “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”